I was warned that adoption would be hard. I didn't know it would be hard this early on. Last Friday was were communicating with a grandpa that had custody of two little boys (2 1/2 and 3 months). He met with his layer on Wednesday to find out if he could have the kids adopted by us only to find out that the parents wanted to take the kids back because they didn't qualify for welfare without them.
I tried to keep my distance, knowing that this was a likely outcome but, I couldn't help but give up a small piece of my heart to these babies that didn't have basic food and hygiene needs met while with their parents. Now I am feeling the repercussions of this. I find myself asking how some good parents are begging to find kids to take into their hearts and homes while others can mistreat and abuse those precious little bodies that have been given to them. Even though the questions run through my head, I know the answers already. I know that somehow this all works out as part of God's plan. I even know that when I pray to know what that plan is, often God, in his wisdom, knows better than to let me in on it.
When I was pregnant with Colin, I can't tell you how many times I prayed to know if he would make it or not. Every time the answer was, It will all be OK. Even now, I know that if I had known for sure that he would die, I couldn't have made it through that pregnancy. I can also see now that, in time, everything will be OK. I have to rely on that faith now. To know that somehow, we will find a mother brave enough and selfless enough to let us raise a baby that only she can give us. Keep us all in your prayers please including those two baby boys.
7 comments:
jaymie,
my thoughts and prayers are with you and those sweet babies.
love you,
brookie
the deleted comment was mine, it showed up twice...sorry.
I wish you guys the best of luck. We'll let you know if we hear anything in this part of the world.
The right situation is still out there...unca dale
Jaymie,
So so very sorry. It is sometimes hard to have Faith, but I know you guys have it and the right situation will come along.
You are definately in my prayers!
I see this everyday at work. I work at the Salt Lake County Division of Youth Services Children's Shelter (The Christmas Box House kids birth-11yrs) and Boys & Girls group homes (teens 12-17). I am beyond sorry that you, out of the goodness of your heart, are having to witness what I at least get paid to have to see everyday. Yes, it's true-there are so many crazy people out there. I praise you for not being one of them!
Oh Jamie, this is so hard. My first heartache with adotion happened about 2 months after we put in our papers also. It is a little like baptism by fire. Free agency is the worst part of adoption, I have four (for now, my niece is with us) and it is still hard to accept that the Lord doesn't just MAKE people choose the right things for thier kids. I am having a hard time not flying to FL and killing my ex-sis-in-law. it does feel good to say ex though!
When things work out you will be more amazed at your birthmother who had the love and strength to do the hardest thing possible. My thoughts are with you!
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