Wow

It is really hard to sum up the last week in a few paragraphs but I will give it a try. This whole adding-a-child-but-starting-at-five thing has been different, exciting and intimidating.

Wed- Had Jacob and his foster family over. The night went very well and we were so excited to get to meet him.
Thurs- Paxton and I took Jacob out to breakfast. He was cute but a bit shy. Eventually with pancakes and some goofiness we broke down some barriers.
Friday-We picked up Jacob that afternoon and brought him home. We all watched Ice Age 3 (he had picked out while we were out the day before) and had pizza. He stayed the night for the first time and did great.
Sat- Paxton's boss gave him Bronco's tickets as a "baby-shower" gift. The boys, dad and grandpa went to the game and then we went trick-or-treating. Jacob was the first one to walk up to all the scary doors. At one even I got scared when a person (that I thought was fake) reached out at us, but Jacob didn't flinch. The kids all had a good night.
Sun-He went to church with us and did great. When I asked him about it he said it was good but a little boring. Sounds like he got it about right. Sunday night we took him back to his foster house for his last few days of school.

Tues- We picked him up again and his foster parents commmented on how much he had changed over the weekend. They said he was much more confident and self assured. I guess having a forever family can do that for a kid.
Wed-I took him to his dentist appointment and found out that a year ago of his 20 baby teeth, ten had caps, one had been pulled, and every other one had had a cavity. Guess that happens when no one brushed his teeth until he was four. Luckily his foster family was wonderful and everything was good for now. Then he had his last day at his old school but was nominated for student of the month so we will go to his award ceremony tomorrow.
Thurs. Got his school papers ready and finished getting all our foster paperwork together. We are techincally foster parents for six months until the adoption is final. The state just has to come and check on him once a month to make sure he is safe and happy for a while first. It is too bad that bad things have happened to make that necessary. A sweet friend of ours also took new family pictures for us today. Everything went well until the kids ended up in the water and froze.
Fri(tomorrow)Since our kids are out of school we are all going to go to Jacob's award ceremony. Then later we will go to the zoo and maybe out for ice cream.


I was told that adoption was different than having your own biological child but I wasn't (nor could I have been) prepared for what that meant. I thought that having Jacob come home would feel like bringing one of our other kids home from the hospital and it has kind of surprised me a bit that my feelings have been quite different. I have been kind of down on myself that I haven't been able to look at him and just adore him the way I do my other kids but tonight I realized what makes this different for me. I think one of the most profound ways to build love for someone is to sacrifice. With my other kids I learned to sacrifice for them in pregnancy, months of throwing up, headaches, heartburn, all round discomfort and months of bedrest with liitle to do but to think about them. But I was reawarded by feeling that life inside me. When they were born I had already known them for nine months.

With Jacob things are different. I have known of his existance for a month and already he is our new son. I know his background, all the different homes and people he has lived with in his short five years. I know what his caseworker, his foster mom and his counselor say about him and I have got to know him in this week in our home. But I also know now that it was nieve and unrealistic of me to expect to feel the same way about him as I do about Bryce, not because I don't care, not because I regret, but because I don't yet have that foundation of sacrifice and love that creates that mother/child bond. But I also know, that Jacob is supposed to be part of our family and that given the right enviornment and lots of heavenly guidence, this little seed of trust and love will thrive and grow and become a strong new branch of our family tree.

PS Here are some of our Halloween pictures. It is really going to kink my blogging style to not show pictures of Jake until he is adopted but here are our other three.